


In a tiny car, a snake and a monkey

by Schut_Gunfinity



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Action/Adventure, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:14:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24375607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schut_Gunfinity/pseuds/Schut_Gunfinity
Summary: Snake wants to look into suspicious activity in a coastal town, the only issue is that he needs a traveling partner.
Kudos: 4





	In a tiny car, a snake and a monkey

Snake took a drag from his cigarette as he filed through reports on various dimensions. He had earned a tan over the summer and was growing out a well maintained curtain beard.

One report in particular caught his attention. It was from Ren Amamiya; it listed various things like mauled people, ransacked places, monsters, and organized attacks... all in a coastal human town. Whoever it was probably didn't have the numbers to take the town.

Sounded like something that didn't need a god-slaying powerhouse to be dealt with.

Something he could solve.

He considered possible partners as he paced his office. Ren was too young to be more than a scout, not enough physical training, either... Robin relied too much on magic and would reveal himself... Meta Knight wasn't humanoid enough...

Snake left his office and walked past the long line leading into the explorations office, entering unannounced.

Mario sat behind an large L desk, talking with Nana and Popo. Isabelle was at a computer on a section of the desk facing the window.

The climbers sounded excited as Mario placed metal cylinders and rods on the desk.

"Thank you so much!" Nana said, grabbing the items.

"Yeah!" Popo added as Nana handed him a few of the rods and cylinders.

While they were distracted, Mario glanced up at Snake for a moment before going over a few things with them. "When mapping, remember to keep a key and configuration in an easy to reach location at all times. Numbered red keys are for home, don't use a configuration if it's not glowing, take a running start before inserting the warp key, and blow into the configuration if it's not working properly."

The climbers nodded at everything he said.

"Alright, you two can go now."

They turned to rush out and were startled by Snake, who stepped aside to let them pass.

When the door closed, Mario motioned to the chairs and Snake stepped forward, Ren's document in hand.

"Amamiya reported strange activity at _San Terani_ in _Three and fourty-six._ Here."

Scanning the document, Mario said, "Seems like mob stuff. You got a partner?"

"No, and this requires covert ops."

Mario looked fiddled with his computer before speaking, "Well, you're outta luck, everyone with an ounce of restraint's outta town, I'll reserve a-"

"I've seen how you cosplay at parties, you in?" Snake interrupted. With all the mages and superpowered fighters, Snake hadn't been on a mission in a long time. He had no idea if Mario even had the skills for this sort of operation, but assumed he'd at least have some tact.

Mario furrowed his eyebrows in confusion at the offer. "... I have to handle keys and keep track of people, sorry."

Isabelle perked up. "I can handle all that!" she shouted, standing and turning so fast, she knocked into the desk and lost her balance.

Mario kicked her chair so she'd land on it.

Swiveling to face him, Isabelle smiled. "Thank you! Anyway, I can handle explorations, finances, and planning... You might have to make a bunch of keys so I can give them out, though."

Mario cocked an eyebrow. "But isn't that a huge workload for one person? I mean... both of us can barely handle everything as is."

Isabelle took a moment to think before lighting up. "I know! Luigi's been wanting to do explorations, I can get him to help out!"

"No!" Mario shouted, spooking Isabelle and Snake. The hair-trigger response seemed more reaction than anything else.

Snake hid his disappointment, though the drooping cigarette didn't help.

"No... Not Luigi. Probably Palutena or something, maybe Zelda, too."

"Do you want me to call?" Isabelle asked, her tail beating against the spine of her chair as she reached towards her phone.

He waved in dismissal. "Nah, I'll phone 'em. You're gonna be head of explorations, financing, and planning while I'm away; they'll be your advisors."

"Isabelle clapped her hands together. "I'll do my best!"

Snake took another drag. "When we going?"

"Give it a day," Mario propped his head up. "I gotta make a ton of keys... How long do you think the mission'll be?"

"A week at least.'

"Gotcha."

* * *

Snake filled a duffel bag with cases of dismantled guns, grenades, and ammo. In a large suitcase, he packed suits and shirts over hidden compartments that held an anti-tank rifle and a grenade launcher. He was careful to avoid bringing anything too advanced. According to the database, the Earth of III46 was only a few decades post its second world war. He stood outside the armory, dressed in a cream suit, a black dress shirt, a lavender tie, and dress shoes.

Mario said that he'd be there by dawn and the sun was just over the horizon. Sure enough, rounding the street corner was a sunrise yellow fiat. It looked like a model from some version of a mid 1900s Earth. Inside was a man in a green sport jacket with sideburns that nearly reached his chin. No big nose or mustache in sight. He was honking while puttering up to Snake with a toothy grin.

Mario's voice came from the smiling, monkey-faced man, "Get in!"

"Unbelievable," Snake said as he loaded his luggage into the hood of the tiny car and crammed in next to the man.

Mario lit up with an ear-to-ear grin, "Oh ho ho, so you do watch it!"

Snake lit a cigarette and leaned back in his seat, mouth in a thin line.

"Look, you have the beard, the cigarettes, and everything! I couldn't resist!... Also, I won't be recognized like this!" Mario said, motioning to his face and attire, then showing off his lanky build by waving a spindly arm up and down.

The thin line curved into a slight grin. "You know these things can only go sixty, right?" Snake asked in reference to the car.

"And I also know your name's David! Here!" Mario avoided the question and pushed something into Snake's face.

Snake looked at it as it fell on his lap- a black fedora with a bluish-grey ribbon. Inside the crown were warp keys and warp configurations. He pocketed the warp sets and put the hat on his head, the brim slouched to cover his eyes.

"We're all set? Nothing forgotten?" Mario asked.

Snake grunted with an affirming nod and Mario placed a warp configuration on the speedometer before tearing down the road and jamming the warp key through the steering wheel into the config.

A flash shot out in front of them, opening up to reveal a yellow field on the other side. They shot through just before the warp gate disappeared, the ride bumpy as the car went far too fast over the wheat field. Mario drove straight for a cliff at full speed, skidding at the last second so they stayed on the skinny road overlooking the water below.

"This isn't exactly subtle!" Snake shouted over the wind, realizing that the car definitely wasn't factory standard.

"Oh please! May as well have fun while bustin' a mob!" Mario shouted back.

Taking another drag, Snake slouched further down his seat.

They barreled down the road to San Terani, oncoming traffic honking at them as Mario sped through sharp turns and curves overlooking the sea, Snake gripping his hat and seat as they got airtime off of bumps in the road.

* * *

Puttering around town, the two exchanged gold at a pawn shop, then arrived at a restaurant for breakfast.

"... What's _fill-et-tie di... back-cala_?" Snake asked, grimacing as he struggled to pronounce it.

"Eh, close enough," Mario said, waving away the pronunciation. "It's deep fried salty cod."

Snake cocked a brow at the dish.

"It ain't salty like saltfish. Unless you're watchin' for sodium, it's pretty tasty."

Snake was considering it again.

A waiter walked by, asking for their order in Italian.

Mario ordered his food and Snake held up his menu and pointed at the salted cod. He slunk down into his chair afterward.

"Don't worry, I barely understand the dialect around here," Mario said, trying lessen Snake's embarrassment.

Snake lit another cigarette. "Let's plan. How are we getting into the gang?"

* * *

It was sunset and Snake lay prone on a roof, looking through binoculars, the car right below. He watched as Mario went from bar to bar, wandering the streets in Snake's sight line while disguised as a tourist with lots of jewelry. He could spot suspicious people all over, but none took the bait.

Mario was ranting through his hidden microphone about how his idea was better than being a rich tourist. Snake argued that the idea was too risky.

After an hour, Mario swapped tactics against Snake's advice, running into an alley and coming out the other end as a brunette lady with long legs in a short dress and a summer jacket. He feigned looking lost, asking people for directions and rides with a dead-on feminine voice as Snake shouted at him through the comm to stop.

Though, Snake had to admit, Mario had a good understanding of disguises... and proportions. Even he'd be fooled; then again, he had never trained for outright shapeshifters. On that thought, Snake brought out a notepad from his breast pocket and scribbled, "Figure out how to identify shapeshifters," below, "Update adblock."

Minutes later, someone bit. A black car pulled up and Mario spoke with them in French with some broken Italian mixed in to sound like a tourist. It worked, as Snake could see Mario step into the back of the car.

Snake tracked where the car went, then hopped into the fiat through the sunroof to tail them.

The black car arrived at an apartment complex.

Snake watched from afar as Mario and a man entered the building.

After a few minutes, Mario communicated with Snake under his breath, "I'm on the third floor, two right from the southeast corner. The mark's alone. Kill word's _s_ _i bon_."

Snake repositioned, driving along the promenade and setting up on a theater roof. He assembled a rifle with a silencer and scope attachments, then looked through into the room window.

"In position."

Judging by the conversation, Snake assumed Mario was trying to get to know the mark while the mark tried to get "her" to drink.

Mario only had a few fake sips before the unchanging level of wine would become conspicuous. He drew in close and teased the mark, something spilling from his hand into the other's glass.

Then it occurred to Snake that this was _Mario_ using seduction tactics and slight of hand to drug a guy. He also called the target a _mark_. No judgement, pleasant surprise actually; he just never expected this from Mario of all people.

Before long, the mark was unconscious, but bad news came.

"I think he's from the local mob," Mario said.

"What do you have on him?"

"Nothin'. No pokeballs, no cards, nothing."

"Then, either this town gets a phobia of foreign girls, or we play it old school," Snake stated.

"... What?"

"We'll do a survey of the area tomorrow."

"Righty-o."

* * *

At sunrise, Snake woke up, brushed his teeth, and groomed his beard. He then walked out to the dining area of the inn.

Mario was already sat at a table, again as a monkey-faced man in a green jacket, and was talking animatedly with a waitress in English.

When Snake sat opposite him, Mario's grin widened before he ordered something and the waitress walked away.

"You found something?" Snake asked.

"I found the waitress is a western flower with beautiful eyes," Mario said, still looking at her with a dumb, love-struck face as she left.

"Enough with the roleplay, what'd you find?" Snake asked as he lit a cigarette.

"Fine, fine," Mario pouted. "It's what she saw with those beautiful eyes that matters." He winked as a grin spread over his face. "Described a _giant rat being commanded by a man_. Oh, and there's a bunch of destroyed shops."

"Pokemon." Snake stated.

"Yep. We're dealing with a pokemob." Mario sipped his malt through a straw.

"Where was this at?"

"On the boardwalk."

* * *

After breakfast, the two walked along the water, Snake bringing a magnum revolver on his hip. They spotted a bar with shattered windows. A policeman stood outside.

Snake looked over at Mario, but had to adjust his eyes a little further up, not used to the other man now being at shoulder height. Mario gave an amused grin back.

With a mutual nod, Mario walked up and, Snake assumed, asked about what had happened there.

Returning, Mario said, "Alright, so this had to be the pokemob, the cop was too honest."

Snake took a moment to arrange some pieces in his head. "... So they're not established enough to get the cops."

"Hmm?"

"All the destroyed shops and murders... It's a show of force," Snake explained.

"So we comb the place or no?" Mario asked.

"... We find more scenes to go over tonight."

* * *

Snake lowered himself from the roof of a bar, slipping a knife between the panes of the alley window to release the lock.

Inside, he stepped around chalk outlines and dried blood as he examined the area, looking for anything that could be traced. There were feathers, bits of fur, and other evidence of various pokemon, but no leads to any locations.

He broke into four more crime scenes before returning to the inn and meeting at Mario's room. The other man sat up on the bed when he heard the door open.

"You find something?" Snake asked.

"No, don't suppose you found anything, either?" Mario asked.

Snake shook his head as he pulled another cigarette out.

Mario fell back on the bed. "Ughhh." However, he sat straight up again when they heard the sound of hooves in the outside hallway.

The door was rammed down by a bull with three tails as people in black uniforms flooded in.

A huge person wearing a mask of ice and draped in a black cloak, walked in with a red and white penguin. He and several others looked around the room.

"You said they were here. Where are they?" the masked man demanded.

"The guy in the fedora just walked in! They must've ran!" said a grunt lady, the waitress from earlier.

After the room was torn apart in a search, the masked man shouted out an order, "Fan out and find them!" before stepping out of the room.

A few minutes after the last grunt left, a floorboard flipped up and Mario climbed out, giving Snake a hand. They took the stockpile of weapons out from the hole and jumped from the window into the little yellow car through the sunroof.

The engine started and the area was suddenly illuminated as a fireball shot towards them from down the street. Mario floored the gas pedal and swerved around the fireball as Snake stood through the sunroof and fired his revolver at a blockade of grunts down the street.

Driving towards the blockade, Mario swerved around pokemon attacks, the windshield shattering as gunshots peppered them. Skidding, Mario took a sharp turn into a narrow gap between buildings, Snake stopping his gunfire to grip the car and drop back into his seat. They drove down a narrow flight of stairs as grunts shot at them from the entrance. Flying pokemon rained attacks from above, the passage too narrow for them to swoop into.

Teetering as they exited the passage, Mario tossed a weight on the gas pedal as Snake got the hint and grabbed their stuff. As the car righted, they dove from the driver's side into an alley, closing the door on their way out before the car continued downhill.

Kicking an alley door, Mario clutched his foot in pain as Snake pushed him aside and kicked it open.

People shouted as they ran through a kitchen, vaulting over counters and making it to a door at the opposite end. Outside, they hopped up to the balcony of the next building and broke in. Backs to the counter in a closed bakery, they hid as cars passed by.

Mario let out a breath. "Fled us out like rats! Guess they know we're not locals, huh?" he said, realizing that the pokemob had blown all pretenses and were out in the open.

Snake nodded with a grunt. "They still don't know _who_ we are, though; so we still have a chance. They'll give up and go back to their base eventually..." He pulled out an assembled P38 pistol and tossed it with a few magazines to Mario, who grinned as he hid them in his jacket.

"Guess we'll be there, too," Mario finished.

They stashed Snake's spare weapons in the bakery before leaving.

Sneaking along the roofs and in the alleys, they found two grunts. One had long sideburns, the other had a curtain beard. Mario gave Snake a wicked smile, which Snake returned with a smirk.

The grunts were rounding a corner when Snake stepped out in front of them, revolver out. Before they could react, Mario dove in from above and shattered ceramic tiles over their heads.

Leaving two naked grunts bound and gagged in a storm drain, Mario and Snake walked out from the alley dressed like grunts.

As the sky turned grey, a voice came on in the transceivers they'd stolen, "Return to the _Mistress._ "

Cars picked up grunts, Mario and Snake among them.

* * *

The base was a cruise ship docked at the promenade. No one wise to their presence, Mario and Snake boarded.

No orders were given to the grunts as the ship set out from the dock, so they split up and started touring the place for the layout.

A few hours in, a voice came from the intercom, "Meeting at the ball room; we have an announcement."

At the ball room, Snake couldn't find Mario, so he sat at a back table with a few grunts.

From behind the stage curtains, Giovanni stepped out in an tan suit, a red poppy on his lapel and an unpleasant smile on his face. "It has come to my attention that we have a _rat_ among our ranks... Roll him out!"

Snake didn't react when, tied to a chair, an unconscious Mario was rolled out from the other end of the stage, still in the monkey-faced form.

"I know there's one of you left," Giovanni stated as he stood behind Mario, pulling out a pistol and holding it to the unconscious man's head. "Going once!" he shouted.

Were the transceivers on the whole time? Snake didn't want to blow his cover.

"Going twice!" His expression turned stern.

Snake had a hand on his revolver.

"Thrice!"

Snake's glare was broken as Giovanni winked at him.

Giovanni's stern expression gave way as a wide smile crept onto his face. With one hand, he threw red pellets over the audience of grunts, then crushed the flower on his lapel to release a gout of fire over the tables. Parts of the room were engulfed in flame as the stage was revealed to be empty after the fire subsided. Someone shouted and grunts ran after "Giovanni".

"Launch all the rafts, I'll be off starboard side," Giovanni's voice said through Snake's earpiece.

"Huh? Mario?" Snake muttered in disbelief under his breath.

The voice was dropped, "Do you expect so little of me? Gio's in the chair."

Snake shook his head as he ran up the decks, grunts not thinking twice when he passed them.

As he neared the bridge, a purple blur shot out from below, slamming him into the ceiling. It dove into a wall before Snake landed on his feet, revolver at the ready.

On edge, he continued, peeking into the hall preceding the bridge. He saw a grunt in front of the bridge door.

Running out, he fired a shot right through the guard's head...

The guard was still standing, a gaping hole pouring blood from the side of her head, a dent in the wall at the other end of the hall. She threw out three pokeballs. From red beams emerged a giant purple cobra, a giant rat, and a spiky yellow shrew.

Snake fired at the cobra, barely clipping the creature as it surged towards him, the rat following its lead.

As the cobra lunged at him, its fangs dripping with purple venom, Snake fired a shot into its mouth.

The rat gained unexpected speed, leaping at Snake and catching his right sleeve while the cobra fell on him. Snake tried to shake it off as glowing shards were shed from the shrew's back and flew towards him, slicing at his clothes.

When the rat released its grip to bite into his arm, Snake managed to fling it back across the hall. Holding the cobra up as a shield, Snake took aim and shot the rat in its abdomen through the volley of shards, some stabbing into his right hand.

Dropping the gun, Snake hoisted the cobra over his head and threw it at the shrew, glowing shards tearing through the uniform to reveal the suit and fedora hidden underneath.

Rushing the shrew as it attempted to get out from under the cobra, he pulled a knife from his jacket and jabbed through the thick hide in its side, stabbing again as it let out a shrill cry. The shrew fell still and the glowing shards faded from his hand, leaving open wounds.

Snake looked up to see the grunt running at him, fists raised. He caught a punch with his injured hand and slashed at her neck; however, she was still standing with the gash in her throat.

The skin on her other hand blistered and bubbled as a blue flame formed around it before being pushed towards Snake's face.

He kicked the grunt in the knee and dove for his revolver, rising with it leveled at her.

She lurched forward the moment she recovered.

Snake fired a shot into her leg, causing her to fall forward... Still, she crawled towards him.

He dropped the knife and swapped the revolver to his right hand, using his left to pull out and throw a grenade as he ran for the corner, shooting the it as it reached her...

A deafening boom shook the hall. Snake's ears rang... He looked around the corner. The walls were dented and splattered, the cobra and shrew's remains tossed and ripped at by the explosion. Further down the hall was the twitching rat... In the grunt's place was a round, purple creature, its teeth visible in a grin. He could hear the grinding of its teeth before it loosed a black bolt at him.

Snake ducked back into the corner, looking out again after the bolt ricocheted back into the hall, leaving dents in the walls. The creature was gone again.

"Snake? Where's... them rafts?" Mario asked with heavy breaths through the comm.

"... I'm on it," Snake said as he stuck C4 to the bridge door and ran back down the hall.

With earplugs in and his revolver reloaded, he set off the explosives and sprinted through the dust, into the bridge. He fired on the grunts inside, dropping them with three shots, one bullet managing to take out two... Looking around, he expected at least one to come back to life, but none did.

Getting to work, Snake grabbed a set of keys off one grunt and looked around the controls for anything mentioning life rafts... Unfortunately, Snake couldn't read Italian; fortunately, he could try everything, and so he did.

One set of switches controlled lighting, so he threw all of them, causing the ship to go dark. A button under a glass case set off alarms. Another played music through the sound system.

As he exhausted all options, Mario spoke, "Hey, you got 'em! I'll be off starboard side."

Snake grunted in affirmation as he moved for the door...

Shards of ice narrowly missed him as the masked man ducked through the doorway with the penguin, the purple creature, and the horned hound running out from his cloak.

Snake shot holes into the bridge window, running at it when he was out of bullets. He crashed through, tumbling into the pool on the main deck.

The masked man followed him out, but was knocked off course by a fireball, falling into the nearby jacuzzi.

Still in the form of Giovanni, Mario arrived at the pool to give Snake a hand and they ran for the starboard side of the ship, spotting the orange rafts falling behind the ship. In a mad dash, they ran towards the back of the ship and jumped off, landing in one and setting the rudder towards land.

Morphing back into the monkey-man form, Mario flopped back on the raft as Snake reloaded his revolver.

"Where's Giovanni?" Snake asked, eyes on the cruise ship.

"In town... I used a warp," Mario said.

"Wait, why didn't you portal to town and tell me to do the same?" Snake asked.

"Well... mask guy's probably also a boss, so we need to catch him, too..." Mario explained. He popped his head up to look at Snake, eyes snapping to the bleeding hand. "Hey, you need a patch or-"

"Mask's catching up with us," Snake said, prompting Mario to sit up and look.

In the distance, they saw a flash of red by the cruise ship's deck and a massive, blue, long necked turtle creature appeared, the masked man hopping on it as it dove into the water.

"A lapras?! Ughhh," Mario fell back again before getting up and taking off the green jacket. He held it over his arm like a magician, moving it aside to reveal a bouquet of white flowers wrapped in white gauze. Removing the gauze and tossing it to Snake, he set to work.

Snake was annoyed by the antics, but watched anyway, wrapping his hand and securing it with the bit of tape on the end of the guaze.

Mario tied the jacket around his neck and held the bouquet to the outside of the raft faced away from land, a hand at the base of the flowers. He plucked the flowers and a stream of flames shot out from them as the raft lurched forwards.

Snake clung to a strap as the raft skipped on the water, Mario was leaned over the back and had a vice grip on the rudder as attacks of varying types peppered the water around them. A black bolt was headed towards them, it's aim true.

Mario let go of the rudder and batted the bolt back with his jacket, hitting the water in front of the lapras, causing a splash. Snake saw him chew on something before spitting into the water behind them. An iceberg rapidly formed, constantly flipping as it grew. More bergs formed as Mario ate blue flowers and spit them out, causing their enemy to fall further behind.

"Land!" Snake shouted as they sped towards the docks.

Mario let go of the flowers and they leapt off the raft, hitting the crowded pier running. People screamed and rushed out of their way as Mario began firing his pistol into the air.

Running through traffic, Snake grabbed a person out of a car through the open window and got in. He ran it onto the sidewalk, catching up with Mario, who dove into the passenger seat. People scattered off the sidewalk as Snake drove uphill and turned down narrow alleyways, sparks trailing them as the car scraped the alley walls. Explosions were heard as they spotted flying pokemon in the air.

Bailing from the car at the bakery, Snake broke in again and rummaged through the stockpile, finding his suitcase and assembling the anti-tank rifle along with a grenade launcher.

Pockets lined with rifle ammo, grenade launcher strapped to his back, and grenades hidden under his jacket, he walked out onto the balcony. Testing the rifle, he took aim at one of the flying pokemon in the air and fired, the creature dropping from the sky along with its rider.

"Ready," Snake said into his microphone as he continued shooting down pokemon and grunts.

The car came back down the street, Snake slinging the rifle over his shoulder and dropping onto its roof as it passed under him. Snake smirked as he swung himself into the car, accidentally getting in on the driver's side.

"What're you doing?!" Mario shouted, scrambling as Snake's weight crushed him against the seat.

"Sorry!" Snake grunted, climbing to the passenger side as the rifle jabbed Mario in the head.

"Ow!- AHHH"

They were headed for the water with no time to turn.

Mario slammed the brakes and they bailed as the car skidded over the walkway edge. The lapras extended its neck from the water, it's horn glowing white as it was about to fire off an attack.

Snake fired at it with the rifle, shattering its horn.

It screeched and flailed, horn bleeding as it attempted to sweep them with its head.

Mario hopped the attack while Snake backed off out of its range. Raising the rifle to finish it, Snake's aim was thrown when an intense gust of snow caught him off guard and the lapras disappeared in a red beam.

Several meters away on the empty promenade, stood the masked man, his hand holding out a pokeball, a red-white penguin and horned hound in front of him. Behind him were grunts and various pokemon.

"If you hand yourselves over, I'll only kill you twenty times over for what you've done!" the masked man shouted in rage. He motioned at them with his other hand, the grunts and pokemon charging.

Mario and Snake gave each other a side glance before making a run for it.

They ran up the street and into a store before crashing through the window on the other end and climbing up to the roof. Jumping from building to building as they fled, flying pokemon peppered them with attacks while Snake blind-fired back with his revolver.

Mario skidded to a stop to turn around and flair open his jacket, revealing an array of fireworks with their fuses lit. They all launched, odd fight patterns and flashy explosions distracting their assailants as the two dropped into another alley and tossed another person out of their car before rounding back towards the promenade.

"Why are we going back?!" Snake shouted.

Mario ignored him as he continued driving.

Snake heard a grinding noise and looked back. The purple creature from before was sitting in the back seat. Its claws covered in blue flames as its teeth ground in a chalkboard snarl.

"Jump!" Snake shouted.

They dived out as the car was engulfed in fire, exploding moments later. Black bolts shot at them from the wreckage, Snake running behind a car and Mario unable find cover.

Mario managed to bat one back with his jacket, but another ricocheted off the road and caught him in the left arm. The form partially wavered, shocked monkey-face morphing into his real, mustachioed appearance while the lanky build remained as he crashed face-first into the ground and tumbled downhill. Following after him was the purple creature.

Snake poked out from behind the car and shot at the creature with his revolver, catching it off guard.

It bled a dark fluid as it's red eyes opened wide and it disappeared into the pavement.

He sprinted down the sidewalk after Mario, who had managed to stop tumbling and was getting up, blood seeping through his sleeve. Seeing grunts running in from behind, Snake grabbed him by the shoulder, using momentum to rush him into running, Mario flailing his uninjured arm and nearly tripping again. Snake opted to pick him up instead, hoisting the smaller man over his shoulder as he ran.

Reaching the Promenade, Snake dropped Mario and fired grenades into the crowd of grunts guarding the masked man... only to be punched in the head from behind, falling over as the grunts closed in and tackled them.

When the dust settled, Mario and Snake were tied up, surrounded by a ring of grunts. Snake looked over to find Mario unconscious.

Looming above, the purple creature jeered at them, still bleeding.

The grunts parted as the masked man and his penguin walked up. He stuck a pokeball out and the creature disappeared into it.

Turning towards Mario, he gloated, "I can't believe the face of the _dimensional boy scouts_ came here to-"

He fell towards Snake along with the penguin, a grunt pushing them forwards in a shoulder charge.

"Sorry!" shouted the grunt, though it sounded more mocking than sorry.

With a metallic scraping noise, a flash occurred, blinding Snake... Snake was falling along with the masked man and grunt into a warp. He looked back up at Mario to see a grunt tied up instead.

They fell sideways into a white room before the warp closed.

Backing away, the grunt's uniform morphed into a green jacket and black slacks as the face turned into Mario's.

The masked man attempted to reach for this pokeball belt, but Mario held it up in his uninjured hand. As the penguin was about to launch an ice attack, Mario fumbled with the pokeball belt, and it disappeared in a red beam.

Bowser's voice came through a hidden speaker, "Another one?"

"Yeah, got his pokemon. Open up the door." Mario said.

Snake was still registering how they got out of that mess of a situation when the masked man's mask fell off, revealing a balding old guy. Limbs made of ice slid out from under the cloak, likely used to make him more imposing.

A section of the wall opened and Dark Pit walked in. "Who's this?" he asked with disinterest.

"No idea. Send him to questioning," Snake ordered as he untied himself.

The old man wouldn't speak, but struggled to walk as the angel dragged him out of the room.

* * *

They headed off to the clinic, Yoshi bringing Mario a bag of popcorn and giving him a ride while a luma sat on his head.

Neither were worried about the grunts left behind; without the bosses, they had no organization, and were easy targets for anyone who wanted to play clean up.

"Did you plan that whole thing when we went back to the boardwalk?" Snake asked as he lit a cigarette.

"I had an idea, though the gengar made it a little difficult," Mario said as he tried to figure out how to eat the popcorn with one hand. "... You think I didn't learn a few tricks over the years?" he jokingly accused as he adjusted to sit facing Snake, both spindly legs over one side of Yoshi.

Snake grunted at the accusation, though he noticed that Mario hadn't reverted from the lanky build. "... Why aren't you changing back?"

"Shiftin' broken limbs isn't the best idea... I'm just stayin' this way 'til it heals," Mario said before grabbing a handful of popcorn from the bag balanced on his lap.

"... So, how much of it you watch?" Snake asked after a drag.

"Only seen the movie with the princess and the evil count. Liked it," Mario mumbled through a mouthful of popcorn

Snake grunted. "Otacon has all the parts subbed if you want a few anime nights with us," he offered.

"Sure. Want some?" Mario asked, picking up the bag and tilting it at Snake.

Snake grunted again as he held the cigarette in his mouth to grab a handful of popcorn.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sorry I peppered this with references to one anime.
> 
> Mario's shapeshifting is in reference to SMRPG where he did Courage-like skits to explain stuff.


End file.
